Journal entry

I came across this this morning. Every so often I look through my old journals just to see how much I've grown. Is that weird? Anyway, I came across an entry written on 5-29-07. At that time, I had been in Texas for a little over 6 mths. Mel and I had sold everything we had in Nashville and taken a 13 hour bus ride here to my nieces apartment. We had nothing left.

"Is this how hard change is supposed to be? Is this how it's supposed to feel? I know there are things that I need to do; things that I need to be. Is there something I'm missing? Something I'm not doing or is there something I can't see?"

"As hard as this is, I want to believe there is growth here. I want to believe there is a reason for my pain. I know that pain doesn't always mean I'm wrong. It can mean that I'm very right; but sometimes I don't know the difference. I want relief. I'm going to go to bed tonight and pray for that relief. I want to close my eyes and know that when I open them, relief will be there."

I remember those long days and even longer nights. That was a year ago. God has changed me. I still have times when things get hard, but since then I've learned how to trust God more. I don't get to go this deep in my pain anymore. I have God's peace now and I've had practice harnessing it! Thank you Jesus for growth. The devil tries to convince me sometimes that things haven't changed for me, but they have.

For anyone out there who is hurting and asking God for relief, just hang in there. He hears you. Sometimes He takes us through things so we can learn something. Just know, He's going to bring you out! You already have the victory. Hold on!